i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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