Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
