hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
