I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
