this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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