When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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