Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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