she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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