dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
