ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
