Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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