Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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