yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
