I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
