How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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