That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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