i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
