last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
