Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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