I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
