I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
