Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
