I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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