I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
