now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
