Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you. Go after that dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
