I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
