The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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