If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
