i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk is not a location!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
