does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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