I feel great
I just peed on a car
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
