I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
