So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I cannot find my penis.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
