Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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