your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
