Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
