I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
