FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize