Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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