And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
