One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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