Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
