He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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