okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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