I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
