I'm so fucking centered right now
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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