pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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