3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
