Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
