Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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