i think my tv is drunk
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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