She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
