i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
