i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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