In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
