Cold hands, warm shart.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
