I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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