My cat gives me a boner
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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