In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
