i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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