I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
