Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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