it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
