So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
